Ace Attorney: Love is Chaos
by DoctorOcsid
Summary: A simple wrightworth story with some light comedy elements.


Phoenix Wright stirred as the light of the morning sun crept through the blinds onto his face. He gradually opened his eyes, satisfied with what were probably the best nine hours of sleep in his life, and he turned to his right. There was the ever-sophisticated figure of Miles Edgeworth, lying face-down on his pillow, letting out a gentle snore.

_Image of pure class as always, Edgeworth._ Phoenix shuffled himself out of the covers and sat himself at the edge of the bed. My god, what a night. He forced himself off his bed and headed over to his dresser, where he examined his tired face in the mirror. This movement had apparently disturbed Edgeworth, who let out a prolonged yawn and rolled over onto his back. Phoenix watched as Edgeworth tossed the covers off himself and pushed himself up.

"Sleep well?" Phoenix asked.

Edgeworth rubbed his eye. "Yes," he said. "I assume you did as well."

"Yeah," Phoenix said, turning back to the mirror. He took note of his own distinct lack of apparel aside from a pair of boxer shorts, and he opened his dresser. "I should probably get ready," he said, pulling out a shirt. "Maya's having me babysit Pearl today, and I'd really rather not have her see us in bed together."

"Impressive, Wright," said Miles. "A relentless defense attorney, and you can't handle the wrath of a seven-year-old."

"She's eight," Phoenix shot back as he buttoned the shirt. "And until she's slapped you, I wouldn't criticize."

"Mm." Edgeworth's lack of a proper response left the conversation stalled, and it stayed that way until Phoenix started putting his tie on.

"You know," said Phoenix, "Since we're, uh… officially in a relationship now, should we still call each other by our last names?"

"Should we?" asked Edgeworth.

"I dunno. Let me try something." Phoenix cleared his throat. "Hey, Miles, could you help me with my tie?"

Phoenix took note of Edgeworth's somewhat grimace-y expression. "Yeah, I don't know. It still feels weird."

Edgeworth nodded. "Perhaps we'll give it a month."

Phoenix chuckled to himself a bit. "Sure. But, uh, really, could you help me with my tie?"

"Don't tell me you've been using clip-ons."

Phoenix laughed again. "No, but it's the sort of thing couples do, right? Maybe I can tie your cravat thing for you in return."

Edgeworth sighed, got off the bed, and walked over to Phoenix. "I hope you don't expect me to do this for you every time."

"I wouldn't dream of it," Phoenix lied. They stood there in another bit of extended silence as Edgeworth expertly applied a half-windsor knot. He then seemed to realize he was wearing only boxer shorts, and proceeded to wordlessly gather his clothes from the room. Phoenix, meanwhile, looked into the mirror to tend to his entirely-natural hairstyle.

"Is this… moving fast at all? This whole thing?" Phoenix said, straightening one of his spikes. "I wouldn't know. I don't have a lot of experience with it."

"I'm likely the last person you want to ask for advice on that, Wright."

"Yeah, I know, it's just…" Phoenix turned back to Edgeworth. "Are you, uh... _happy?_ With this?"

Edgeworth momentarily stopped gathering his clothes and turned to Phoenix. He gave a rare smile. "Yes, Phoenix. I'm happy."

Phoenix cringed a bit. "You're right. It does sound weird."

Edgeworth gave a single, quiet, Edgeworth-y chuckle and resumed his clothing roundup.

DING DONG.

"Coming!" Phoenix went to his front door and pulled it open. "Hey, Maya. Hi, Pearls."

"Hi, Mr. Nick!"

"Hey, Nick!" Maya walked into the house. "How're you doing?"

"Actually, pretty good, all things considered." Phoenix scratched the back of his head as Edgeworth exited the bedroom behind him.

"Huh?" Maya furrowed her brow. "What's Edgeworth doing here?"

"Well…" Phoenix let out a nervous laugh, but didn't answer.

"You haven't told anyone, Wright?" Edgeworth said.

"It's been, like, two days, okay?"

It took Maya a minute, but she managed to put two and two together. "Wait. Don't tell me. You're- Are you two... ?"

"Yeah." Phoenix laughed again. "I know, it's a bit out-of-nowhere."

"No _way._" Maya started laughing herself. "That's so cool! I'm really happy for you, Nick!"

"Huh?" Pearl looked between Phoenix and Edgeworth. "What's Mr. Nick talking about, Mystic Maya?"

"Just… I'll explain it to you later," Maya said. "Anyway, I've gotta go, so have fun staying with Nick and Edgeworth. Congratulations, by the way, you two. Can I tell anyone about this?"

"No," Edgeworth flatly replied before Phoenix could get a word in.

"Aww, fine. Alright, see you later."

"Bye, Mystic Maya!" Pearl said as Maya headed out.

Phoenix watched as Maya shut the door behind her, then turned to Edgeworth. "So, uh, did you want to stay and watch Pearl, or..."

Edgeworth sighed. "I suppose I have little better to do today. But I'd prefer if I could start off with breakfast, and ideally some tea."

Phoenix put his hand to his chin. "Tea, huh? I think there's some Earl Grey buried somewhere in the pantry. I'll be there in a minute."

Edgeworth nodded and left for the kitchen. Phoenix, meanwhile, turned back to Pearl. "So, Pearl, what do you feel like doing today?"

"Hmm," Pearl hmmed. "Mystic Maya told me there's a new episode of Steel Samurai on soon. Can we watch that?"

Phoenix laughed. "Figures. Alright, sure." He headed over to the TV and turned it on. As soon as he'd turned to the right channel, the theme song was already playing. "Alright, I'm gonna go talk to Edgeworth real quick. I'll be right back."

"Okay!" Pearl sat on the couch and was instantly engrossed in the TV, humming along to the theme song.

Just as Phoenix was about to step into the kitchen, however, he nearly walked right into Edgeworth, who apparently had just been exiting the kitchen at the same time.

"W-Woah, sorry!" Phoenix said. He took note of the bowl of cornflakes Edgeworth was holding, along with the pot of tea on the stove. "Wow. That was fast."

"I work efficiently, Wright."

"Huh. Okay." The two headed back into the living room and sat on the couch on opposite sides of Pearl.

"Hi, Mr. Edgeworth!" Pearl said as soon as he'd sat down. "How come you're staying with Mr. Nick? Are you having a sleepover?"

Edgeworth had to contemplate how to answer that for a moment. He looked to Phoenix for help, but got none. "Yes, that's correct. A sleepover."

"Cool!" Pearl redirected her attention back to the TV.

After a moment of the three silently watching the episode, Phoenix spoke up. "So, Pearl, who's your favorite Steel Samurai character?"

"Well…" Pearl hesitated to answer for a moment. "I know he's a bad guy, but I like the Evil Magistrate."

"Not a terrible choice," said Edgeworth.

"What about you, Mr. Nick?"

"Uh, well…" Phoenix stammered. "I think the Steel Samurai's my favorite. Probably."

"Hah," Edgeworth laughed. "I'd expect as much."

"Look, I don't watch this show much, okay?" Phoenix said. "What's so good about the Evil Magistrate, then?"

Edgeworth shrugged. "Often a show is only as good as its villain."

Pearl also took the opportunity to answer. "I just like that he's a cool bad guy. And how he kills people and stuff."

"I… What?" Phoenix stammered, but then laughed. "What kind of movies has Maya been showing you?"

Their exchange was interrupted by the whistling of the tea kettle on the stove. Edgeworth wordlessly got up and headed over to the kitchen, leaving Phoenix and Pearl alone.

"Hey, Mr Nick?" Pearl asked.

"Huh?"

"What would it feel like if you died? Like, if someone killed you?"

Phoenix raised his eyebrows. "I, uh, I don't know. I've never died before."

"What if I killed you?"

"...Maybe we should watch something else."

It was at that moment Pearl pulled out a fully-functioning Glock G17 pistol.

Phoenix took a good few seconds to react. "...Huh. You know what? I'll be right back." Phoenix got up off the couch and rushed over to the kitchen.

Edgeworth, meanwhile, was in the middle of pouring himself his tea when Phoenix speed-walked up to him. "Heavens, Wright. Is something the matter?"

"Uh. Maybe."

Edgeworth set the tea down. "Well, what is it?"

Phoenix stood there for a moment trying to think how to phrase it. "So, like, you know how Pearl's eight years old, right?"

"I believe the show is rated TV-Y7, so she is in the target audience."

"Right, but, uh, is it normal for them to carry guns with them?"

Edgeworth stared at him for a moment. "I don't follow."

"Pearl has a gun."

"Why?"

"_I don't know!_"

"Did you at least try to take it from her?"

Wright thought that over. "Huh, good point. Let's try that."

Edgeworth followed Phoenix back to the living room. "Pearl," he said first, "Where, exactly, did you get that?"

"Found it," Pearl said.

"W-Well," said Phoenix, "You can't be, uh, holding that. Using it. You should probably, er, give it to us."

"Sorry, Mr. Nick," said Pearl. "I can't do that."

"Oh." Phoenix looked to Edgeworth, then back to Pearl. "Why not?"

"Because," Pearl said as she pulled the slide back, "I have to kill you with it!"

"W-WHAT?!" Phoenix exclaimed. "Is this about me and Edgeworth…?!"

"Do not rope me into this, Wright," Edgeworth said.

"She has a _gun!_ What am I supposed to do?!"

Edgeworth crossed his arms. "How should I know? You're the one whose life is being threatened here."

Phoenix stared at Edgeworth for a moment before looking back to Pearl. "Pearl. Why do you need to, uh... kill me?"

"Because."

"Because what?"

"Because."

"Because _what?_"

"Because."

"Because _WHAT?!_"

Edgeworth rolled his eyes. "Must I do everything for you, Wright?" Phoenix looked at Edgeworth and shrugged.

"Pearl," Edgeworth said, "I don't know what movies Wright has been showing you-"

"I haven't shown her any movies!"

"-but this has gone too far. Hand the gun over."

Pearl did not hand the gun over. Rather, she pulled the trigger, firing a bullet directly at Phoenix's face. Luckily enough, however, the scene went into slow motion at that exact moment, giving him enough reaction time to dodge it.

"_Shoot!_" Phoenix shouted as he waltzed out of the way of the bullet. Edgeworth quickly grabbed ahold of his shoulders.

"Wright, my love."

"Yeah?"

"Run."

"Oh, yeah, good idea. Let's try that."

And in that exact moment, the two attorneys leapt from the ground and landed behind the couch as Pearl fired a barrage of bullets at them.

"Oh my god!" Phoenix said, covering his ears. "What the hell is going on?!"

"I don't know," Edgeworth said. "I suppose it was a good idea for you to get the bulletproof couch after all."

"I'm reloading, Mr. Nick!" said Pearl. "Just like the Steel Samurai!"

"The Steel Samurai doesn't use a gun!" Phoenix shouted. "That… That is true, right, Edgeworth?"

"The episodes would be a lot shorter if that was the case."

"Well, what do we do now?!"

"Run more, I presume."

"Oh. Yeah, good idea. Let's try that."

Phoenix and Edgeworth dashed out from behind the couch, toward the kitchen. "There!" Phoenix shouted, pointing at his window. Phoenix grabbed a brick off his counter and threw it through the window, smashing it to bits. He and Edgeworth then ran back to the living room and exited through the front door.

"We must get out of here and contact Maya," said Edgeworth. They ran out to Phoenix's driveway, where Edgeworth was parked. He pulled out his keys and unlocked the doors.

"Wait," said Phoenix. "I don't have a driver's license!"

"Well, I was intending to be the driver," said Edgeworth.

"But I don't have a passenger's license either!"

"You're a defense attorney. You can handle things if we get pulled over." The two jumped into their seats and Edgeworth jammed his key into the ignition hole, bringing the car to life. He hurriedly backed out of the driveway, ensuring he didn't hit any more than two people. He accelerated down the road as Pearl emerged from the house, firing her gun at them as they drove away.

"Phew," said Phoenix. "That was close."

"Do you have Maya's number?" asked Edgeworth. "We need to inform her of this as soon as possible."

"Right, on it." Phoenix pulled his phone out, but stopped as he heard something. "Wait, what's that noise?"

"It's classical music, Wright. You should acquire a taste for it if we're going to continue this relationship."

"No, not the radio, the... Give me a second." Phoenix turned around and, to his shock, saw none other than Pearl running at top speed towards the car - and catching up at an alarming rate.

"Hey, Edgeworth," Phoenix said.

"Yes, Wright?"

"You should go faster."

"The posted speed limit is 45."

"Yeah, well, the posted screw you limit is SPEED UP, BECAUSE PEARL'S RIGHT BEHIND US!"

Edgeworth furrowed his brow. "I don't feel you thought that comeback out very well."

"JUST STEP ON IT!"

Edgeworth slammed on the gas, but as the car sped up, so did Pearl, not losing much distance.

"Oh, god!" Phoenix said. "This is just like that movie! Cars 2!"

Pearl then leapt from the ground, soaring a good several dozen feet through the air and catching hold of the spoiler. She began to climb onto the top of the car, towards the sunroof.

"Wright," said Edgeworth. "Close the sunroof, please."

"But it's so nice out today." Phoenix hit the button, shutting the sunroof before Pearl could get in. "Why did you have it open, anyway?"

"I heard some rain was incoming."

"Oh, makes sense."

Their conversation was quickly interrupted, however, by Pearl poking her face in front of the windshield. Reflexively, Edgeworth slammed on the brakes, which sent Pearl flying from the car into the bed of the truck in front of them - which, thankfully, happened to be carrying a ton of pillows at the time. The truck then crashed into an explosion factory and blew up.

"Oh _NO!_" Phoenix shouted as Edgeworth slammed on the brakes. They both jumped out of the car and ran to the scene of the crash. "Aw, man! Maya's gonna kill me!"

"Well," said Edgeworth, "Perhaps it won't be as literal for her."

"Yeah, I guess."

Phoenix sat on the ground, completely bewildered at everything that just happened, but then noticed something. A figure, walking out of the flames of the crash.

It was Pearl, completely unscathed.

"WOAH!" Phoenix jumped to his feet as Edgeworth stepped back, similarly shocked. "PEARL! You're alive?!"

"Yeah!" said Pearl. "Hey, Mr. Nick, can you help me find my gun so I can shoot you?"

"Uh, maybe later," said Phoenix. "For now we should probably get you to a doctor."

"Do they have guns at the doctor?" Pearl asked.

"Uh, sure."

"Yay!"

**~Later...~**

Phoenix and Edgeworth sat in the hospital waiting room, awaiting the results from the doctor. Phoenix fidgeted in his seat, clearly anxious to find the cause of all this.

"Hey, Edgeworth," said Phoenix. "What do you think's wrong with Pearl?"

"Well," Edgeworth replied, "I'd say it's likely a stomach bug, or a simple cold. Nothing I'd worry about, personally."

"That's good to hear," said Phoenix.

Eventually, the doctor stepped into the waiting room. "Mr. Wright?"

Phoenix stood up. "Yeah, that's me."

"Well, I've managed to find out what the issue is with your… friend's cousin."

"Oh, great!" said Phoenix. "What is it?"

"Well..." The doctor looked at his clipboard. "It turns out this girl has been replaced by a robotic duplicate sent from the future to kill you and prevent the apocalypse."

Phoenix looked at him, but didn't respond.

"That's what she told me, anyway. Oh, and the X-rays. Those are usually pretty reliable."

"...Yeah, okay. Uh, can you give me a second?" Phoenix grabbed his phone and smashed Maya's number into it.

It only took a couple rings for her to pick up. "Hey, Nick, what's going on?"

"_WHY IS PEARL A ROBOT SENT FROM THE FUTURE TO KILL ME?!_"

"You… What? I don't understand the question."

"Just… Pearl! She's not Pearl! She's a robot!"

"Nick, this is the second-weirdest thing you've ever said to me."

Edgeworth grabbed the cell phone from Maya's hand. "Maya, what Wright says is true. Pearl has somehow been replaced with a killer robot. We'll handle the situation. I'd advise that you try to find the real Pearl."

"What the heck did you two do last night?"

Edgeworth hung up the phone instead of answering. "Now that Maya's informed, we have to figure out how to deal with this."

"Doctor," said Phoenix. "You're a doctor, right?"

"Yeah, probably."

"What do we do about this?"

"Well, being that I'm a doctor, I can only give advice in the form of prescriptions. So I'd advise a healthy dose of about six hundred rounds per minute, administered to the everywhere."

"Got it," Phoenix said, writing this information down on his handy dandy notebook.

"You seem to be the type of smart person who knows things," said Edgeworth. "Do you have any idea where the real Pearl might be?"

"Well," the Doctor said, looking at his clipboard again, "don't quote me on this, but I think she may be somewhere on the planet Earth."

"Good to know," Phoenix said, writing that down as well. "One more question. What's that sound?"

"That's you talking."

"No, the other sound."

"I think that's the sound of the wall exploding."

"Oh, okay." Phoenix turned around and look at the wall behind him which, indeed, now had a huge hole blown out of it. After a moment, Pearl stepped through the settling dust.

"Mr. Nick," said Pearl. "Can I kill you now? I'm tired of waiting!"

"AAAGH!" Phoenix stomped his foot on the ground. "No! You can't ever kill me! Just stop!"

Pearl didn't seem to be a fan of that response. Her face shifted to one of such intense anger, she was hardly even recognizable as Pearl anymore. The ground around everyone started to rumble.

"We should probably run now," said Phoenix.

"Agreed," said Edgeworth.

Immediately, the two turned around and bolted down the hall. Just as they turned the corner, they heard an explosion from the waiting room.

"I hope that doctor's okay," said Phoenix.

"Don't worry, I'm fine!" the doctor called from across the hall.

"Oh, cool!" said Phoenix. "Anyway, Edgeworth, what do we do now?"

"We must get out of this building," said Edgeworth. "There! The elevator!"

The two ran up to the elevator and pressed the button. "Come on, come on, come on!" Phoenix said, pushing it repeatedly.

"Wright," Edgeworth said.

"What?" He turned around, only to see that Pearl had caught up with them - and was now holding what appeared to be an AK-47.

"You were right, Mr. Nick!" said Pearl. "This place does have guns!"

"Oh. That's cool." said Phoenix. "Can you wait just a minute though?"

"Oh, sure."

Phoenix turned back to the elevator doors as they opened. He and Edgeworth stepped inside and hit the button for the roof, and the doors closed.

"You know," said Phoenix, "if you think about it, my suit's blue."

"Stunning observation, Wright."

After about a minute, the elevator reached the roof and opened. "There it is," said Edgeworth. "Just what we need." He walked over to the helicopter on the roof, and Phoenix followed.

"A _helicopter?!_" said Phoenix.

"This will be most effective in evading the Pearl-bot."

"Are you sure you know how to fly that?"

"Of course I most likely do."

"I don't know about this…"

"Wright," Edgeworth said, grabbing ahold of Phoenix's shoulders. "In this life, you can live, or you can die. What are you going to do?"

"Go home and forget this ever happened?"

"Wrong answer, Wright. Get over yourself. You're a defense attorney!"

"What's that got to do with it?"

"Who never backed down in court?"

"Manfred von Karma?"

"Other than that!"

"...Franziska von Karma?"

Their conversation was suddenly interrupted when the door to the roof was busted open by Pearl, who had evidently taken the stairs.

"Agh!" Edgeworth exclaimed. "Wright, just get in the helicopter."

"Alright." The two jumped into the helicopter and buckled in. Edgeworth pulled out his car key and stuck it into the helicopter's ignition. He grabbed ahold of the helicopter's steering wheel.

"Are you ready, Wright?"

"You know it, bitch."

Edgeworth floored it, and the helicopter rose from the building just before Pearl could get to it. She was left on the roof, staring at the two as they flew away.

"Woo-hoo!" shouted Phoenix. "We did it! What do we do now?"

"Hm," said Edgeworth. "I don't actually know. Perhaps we should retire to some place where she won't find us. I hear the Bahamas are nice this time of year."

"Sounds good to me," said Phoenix. "Let's go."

Phoenix relaxed in his seat, but as he did so, he happened to look in the rear-view mirror - which showed, to his dismay, none other than Pearl. She was flying. She was catching up to them. Again.

"Oh _shit!_" said Phoenix. "Pearl!"

"WHAT?!" roared Edgeworth.

"It's Pearl! She.. she fly! She got the rockets! The rocket feet! She going all Astro Boy on us!"

"God _damn it!_" shouted Edgeworth. He tried to accelerate the copter, but wasn't able to make much of a difference. "Wright, this is a medical helicopter, so there's likely some weapons in the back!"

"Right!" Phoenix got up from his seat and went to the back of the helicopter. There were two doors - one titled "Firearms", and the other titled "Icelegs". He opened the first one.

"Hey!" said Phoenix. "There's a rocket launcher in here!"

"Excellent, Wright." Edgeworth looked back at Pearl, who was still steadily gaining on them. "Try not to miss."

"Wright," said Right. He opened one of the doors and tried to aim the rocket launcher at Pearl. "Damn it, I can't get a clear shot!"

"Wright, if we don't stop soon we're going to crash!" shouted Edgeworth. Phoenix looked and saw that the helicopter was headed straight for a billboard advertising helicopter insurance.

"But I can't line up my shot properly! I need to get closer!"

"We've got roughly fifteen seconds, Wright!"

Phoenix stopped. He knew exactly what he had to do. He walked back up to Edgeworth. "Edgeworth, I know exactly what I have to do. I walked back up to you."

Edgeworth nodded. "Be safe, Wright." The two shared a kiss. A potential final kiss.

Phoenix went back to the open door and looked at Pearl, who was now only a good ten feet from the helicopter. _Goodbye, Edgeworth,_ he thought. Then, Phoenix took the rocket launcher and leapt from the helicopter, directly towards Pearl.

"This is what you get for slapping me so much!" Phoenix shouted. And as he got into point blank range, he fired.

A huge explosion engulfed both Pearl and Phoenix. Edgeworth was so distracted by the explosion that he crashed the helicopter anyway.

**~Later...~**

"Today, we remember Phoenix Wright," said Maya Fey to the crowd. "He gave his life to save himself."

The crowd, made up of many of Phoenix's previous clients, wept silently at the loss of their friend.

"Phoenix was not only my friend," said Maya, "But also my friend. And my lawyer. And, sometimes, my dealer. I had no one closer to me. Yet, he was taken away from us, by a robot clone of Pearl."

The real Pearl stepped up next to her. "Mr. Nick was the best!"

"That's right, Pearl," said Maya. "He was."

Everyone held a brief moment of silence for Phoenix - which was quickly broken by the in-fading sound of what seemed to be someone screaming.

"What… What's that?" Maya said, looking up to the sky.

It was Phoenix Wright. He hit the ground with a THUD, got up, and brushed himself off, looking rather singed. "Hey, what's going on?"

"_NICK?!_" shouted Maya, "You're _alive?! How?!_"

"I guess it was a good idea for me to get the rocket-launcher-proof suit after all," said Phoenix, laughing. He looked around the place. "Wait, what's going on here?"

"We thought you were dead, Mr. Nick!" said Pearl. "So we had a… fyew neral?"

"Funeral," said Maya.

"Wait, what?" said Phoenix. "You guys had a funeral for me before I even _hit the ground?_"

Maya shrugged. "That phone call sounded pretty bad, so I figured I'd just pre-order the funeral just in case."

Just then, Edgeworth walked into the scene, looking similarly-tinged. "What's this, now?"

"Edgeworth!" Phoenix ran up and hugged him. "You're alive too!"

"Of course," said Edgeworth. "The helicopter had airbags." He looked around at everyone else. "My question, however, is why only Phoenix is being remembered. I was a part of this story too."

"Well, I can't hold two funerals at once!" said Maya. "You'll just have to wait until tomorrow."

"Fine," said Edgeworth. "Anyway, did you find out why Pearl was replaced with a robotic clone?"

"Nope," said Maya. "I'm kinda completely lost there. I did find this piece of it, though." She pulled it out of her pocket. "It says 'Capcom' on it. I dunno what that means."

"Oh well," said Edgeworth. "What matters is this whole ordeal is over."

"Yeah," said Maya. "So you don't know why that robot tried to kill Nick?"

"Well," said Phoenix, "That doctor said it was to prevent, uh, 'the apocalypse' or something."

"I doubt it's much to worry about," said Edgeworth.

"Yeah, you're probably right."

**~ In a different universe… ~**

I sat at my computer, excited to see what new Ace Attorney information they'd reveal this year. I googled "Ace Attorney", sure that'd get me the most up-to-date stuff.

To my delight, some relevant articles did come up. I clicked on one and let it load.

"New Ace Attorney game announced by Capcom!" I read off the screen. "Titled… 'Fallout: Ace Attorney'."

I leaned back in my chair. "God, they really are running out of ideas."


End file.
